Passers-by on Elvis Presley Boulevard have noticed an eerie green light emanating from a top floor window at Graceland, Elvis' Memphis home. Insiders believe that Elvis did not die, but suffered a stroke which left him a vegetable. The former truck driver who made millions fusing gospel, country, and the blues into rock and roll is under 24-hour care in his palatial bedroom.

"Did you ever wonder why Elvis' bedroom is off limits when you tour Graceland?" said Lamar Fyke, Memphis mafia member. "It's because he's up there, man. I'm only revealing this now because I need the money."

"Most people don't know about the Elvis/alien connection." said Sonny West, long time acquaintance of Presley. "Elvis was first contacted by aliens in 1956. He didn't start having sex with them until he got out of the army. After that, it was no holds barred. You would see them all the time running around Graceland in bobby sox and white panties. Elvis was insatiable. I'm pretty sure they hypnotized him."

"That's exactly the way I remember it," said Fyke. "It was aliens who led to Elvis' divorce. That stuff about a karate instructor was just a smoke screen we put out to protect the public. He bought several of them airplanes, and that really made Priscilla mad. I can't say I blame her much."

Sightings of UFOs and and aliens around Graceland have increased since the alien revelation. Shelby County Prosecutor R. Kent Apsley has promised a full investigation. "If there's aliens out there, we'll find 'em," he promised. "If I find out they were the ones supplying drugs to the King, They're looking at hard jail time."

In a related story, a tourist on Beale Street was sighted wearing a tee shirt that read, "Elvis is alive and living in my pants. Feel him for a quarter."

Police are investigating and ask the public to call the Report A Crime Hotline if the tourist shows up anywhere else in the city.