Bud Selig, Commissioner of Basball, cracked down on the illicit use of Major League Baseball trademarks by little league teams today. The use of names like Cubs, Yankees, Mariners, or Orioles on uniforms will no longer be allowed unless the uniforms are purchased from an authorized dealer.

"The little league has been taking a free ride for much too long," said Selig. "It's time to pay the piper. Do you know how much it costs to pay players like Andruw Jones not to play?"

Local little league officials were appalled at the decision.

"It's hard enough to raise enough money to put on a league each year," said Emily Wankette, concerned little league mom. "Now we have to pay more for uniforms because Selig wants to protect his trademarks? I hope his legs grow together."

Little league teams across the country quickly moved to change their names.

"We changed our name to the New York Pimps." said Johnny Ellsworth, third baseman for the Pimps. "Some other teams called themselves the Chicago Hustlers and the New Orleans Players. I think it's a lot cooler."

"I ain't going to pay more money so Barry Bonds can grow his head bigger. It's already the size of a basketball." said Terry Warrick, manager of the Manchester Caucasians.

"You mean I can't be a Yankee no more?" asked little Alfonso Soriano. "Pretty soon they're going to kick me off second base and make me play left field. I want to go home."

Selig explained his decision. "The rules are the rules. It is my job to defend the game of baseball from little leage freeloaders and defend it I will."

In a related story, MLB owners are meeting with Selig in June to discuss air concessions at selected major league ballparks. It is expected that the new concessions will be offered on a trial basis at ballparks in some of the more polluted cities.

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.