With apologies to Lewis Carrol.

One day, all important Democrats gathered in a special place to make a very important decision. Their two candidates were locked in a contest that could not be decided by the voters. So the very wisest of Democrats came from all over the nation to ponder the problem and offer the nomination to the candidate with the best qualities.

"The very best thing we can do," said Jimmy Carter, who was perhaps the wisest of them all, "is to conduct a Caucus-race."

"What is a Caucus-race?" said Hillary Clinton; not that she much wanted to know, but Al Gore had tilted his head and stroked his chin as if he thought that somebody ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.

"Why," said Al Gore, "the best way to explain it is to do it." (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how the Democrats managed it.)

First they marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle ("the exact shape doesn’t matter," they said), and then all the party were placed along the course, here and there.

There was no "One, two, three, and away!" but they began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However, when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite exhausted, Nancy Pelosi suddenly called out "The race is over!" and they all crowded round her, panting, and asking, "But who has won?"

"We must ask Jimmy Carter," said Nancy.

This question Jimmy Carter could not answer without a great deal of thought, and he stood for a long time with one finger pressed upon his forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence.

At last Jimmy Carter said, "Everybody has won, and all must have prizes."

"But who is to give the prizes?" quite a chorus of voices asked.

"Why, she, of course," said Jimmy Carter, pointing to Hillary Clinton with one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her, calling out, in a confused way, "Prizes! Prizes!"

Hillary had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand in her pocket, and pulled out the votes from Michigan and Florida (luckily there were no hanging chads or Supreme Court decisions to hinder her), and handed them round as prizes. There was exactly one vote a-piece, all round.

"But she must have a prize herself, you know," said Edward Kennedy.

"Of course," Al Gore replied very gravely. "What else have you got in your pocket?" he went on, turning to Hillary.

"Only the Vice Presidency," said Hillary sadly.

"Hand it over here," said Nancy Pelosi.

Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Speaker of the House solemnly presented the Vice Presidency, saying:

"We beg your acceptance of this elegant office"; and, when she had finished this short speech, they all cheered.

Hillary thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the Vice Presidency, looking as solemn as she could.

The next thing was to share the votes with Barack Obama: this caused some noise and confusion, as the large players complained that they could not get enough prizes for their constituencies, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on the back.

"It really does get curiouser and curiouser, doesn't it?" said Hillary.

"You don't know the half." replied Barack Obama.

Washington D.C.--Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi revealed today that the House of Representatives has passed legislation repealing the law of gravity.

"I don't know why we didn't think of this before," said Pelosi. "Imagine what a boon this will be to the airlines alone. Credit is due to Jerry Brown. If he hadn't mentioned it at a cocktail party about a month ago, it would never have occurred to me. It is genius, pure genius."

"Of course I voted for it," said Dennis Kucinich. "Elizabeth and I have been doing it for years."

The lone dissenter in the house vote was Ron Paul. "This will be almost as big a debacle as when the democrats repealed the law of supply and demand under Roosevelt," opined the congressman from Texas.

Several prominent Democrats from the private sector and the senate questioned the wisdom of the proposal.

"It's definitely a step in the right direction," said Al Gore,"but what are we going to do with the increased traffic congestion in the airways? I can envision bicycles, automobiles, and former pedestrians all gently colliding with each other and moving slowly about with no apparent purpose. I don't think this legislation should pass until a thoughtful, thorough study is made of all the possible ramifications."

Presidential hopeful Barack Obama was enthusiastic about the measure. "The future is here, people," he said. "No more will we be bound by the old ways holding us down. There is real hope for America now. Every man, woman, and child in this country will be able to go where they want with a simple push off any solid object. Our day is here."

"I do wish that boy-- er, I mean guy, would just shut up for a minute," opined Hillary Clinton.

No Republicans, other than Ron Paul, chose to comment on the legislation because they were hurt and resentful that they lacked the imagination to think of it.

"It will never work," said one bitter prominent republican who asked not to be identified. "I just know it."