NBC News banned Ann Coulter from network appearances Monday citing an "unrelenting fear," and a general "queasy feeling" in her presence.

"She just creeps me out," explained Seve Capus, President, NBC News. "I get the feeling she is going to tear my tongue out of my head or something. Everybody around here is frightened to death of her."

"I'm not afraid of her. I just don't want her around me," said Keith Olbermann, who plays a news reporter on TV. "She spreads hate and fear wherever she goes. She writes books, too. That's just plain weird."

"I'm not afraid to admit it. Ann Coulter makes me pee my pants every time I'm within a hundred yards of her." explained Rachel Maddow. "I'd rather French kiss a buzz saw than interview Ann Coulter."

"Why should we waste precious airtime on Ann Coulter plugging one of her books when we could be praising Obama or trashing Sarah Palin or some member of her family?" asked Brian Williams, NBC NIghtly News anchor. "Even if she didn't give me the fantods, I still wouldn't want to report on her. It's really a matter of having the right priorities."

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.

Photo by Jimmy Wales