Driving through the middle of the country alone can get boring and lonesome. Radio stations become few and far between, most of them exhorting you to get right with Jesus or bemoaning liberalism.

Then, like finding a silver dollar while walking on the side of the road, an unexpected gem comes across the airwaves. Janis singing Down On Me. The Stones pouring out the guitar bends of Honky Tonk Woman.

What luck.

It doesn't last. It's not a classic rock station -- it is the dreaded oldies station. The same musical era that gave us Otis Redding, Aretha Franklin, Cream, and Wilson Pickett also gave us Freddy and the Dreamers, Gary Lewis and the Playboys, the Turtles, and that most nauseating of musical genres -- bubblegum. The music doesn't have to be good, it just has to be old.

Some old bones need to be left at rest.

Jerry Garcia said if you can remember the 60's, you weren't really there. These six bands deserve to be forgotten.

Gary Lewis and the Playboys

The only rock and roll band with an accordion, Gary Lewis and the Playboys had a string of hits extolling teen angst, love, and heartbreak. Gary Lewis was Jerry Lewis' son -- yes, one of Jerry's kids. He had an amazing ability to sing about a third off pitch reminding one of a recalcitrant brat begging for a happy meal. Here he is singing the second wimpiest song in the history of rock and roll. Bobby Vee's Take Good Care of My Baby is, as you know, the all-time champion.



The 1910 Fruitgum Company

The most virulent disease ever to infect American music was a hideously sweet concoction perpetrated on the public called bubblegum. The perps in this case are called the 1910 Fruitgum Company. They have a website. Go there. Extract revenge. Make them pay. Hurry. They may die soon.



The Ohio Express

What can be worse than the 1910 Fruitgum Company? The Ohio Express, that's what. It is rumored that the two were actually the same band. It is also rumored that Joe Walsh played with them. Sad, isn't it?



Here they are singing Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I've Got Love in My Tummy.

Yes, it is gayer than a Maypole dance in Neverland.



The Turtles

Max Shulman, in one of his Dobie Gillis stories, wrote these immortal lines:

I gotta gal and her name is Esme
and I will love her if she lets me.

Max Shulman gave us Maynard G. Krebs and is to be revered.

The Turtles' Happy Together has a similar sentiment, only different.

They'll be happy together if her mother lets them.

The Turtles were sort of like the Beatles, only different.

Very different.

Some promoter had a brilliant idea to make a quick buck.

The Turtles were the result.

Go ahead. Click on the video. See where it gets you.



The Lemon Pipers

It's psychedelic, man. The Lemon Pipers put the deli in psychedelic. Gray old men with blank looks in their eyes stumble aimlessly on mean city streets. They saw the video below under the influence of d-lysergic when they were young and knew no better.

Be careful with this one.

The robot is especially disturbing.



Freddy and the Dreamers with Frankie Avalon

After the success of the Beatles, managers, record promoters, concert promoters, and other scum infested the streets of Liverpool searching for anything that looked remotely like John, George, Paul, or Ringo.

They found Freddy and the Dreamers. Hebephrenia can be fun and Freddy explored the throes of ecstasy. Frankie Avalon wanted to be cool, too.

Here they are together at last.



Frankie Avalon Homeopathic Zero-Pain 3-pack with Rescue Cream

Immediately after a Stones concert at Soldier's Field in Chicago, a long line formed in front of the urinals in the men's room. A lot of beer was sold at that concert.

An impatient man at the back of the line muttered, "I wish they'd hurry up."

"Not a chance," replied the man next to him. "Lot of prostate problems in this crowd."

It is not known if Frankie Avalon has prostate problems, but he does sell a Homeopathic Zero-Pain 3-Pack complete with Rescue Cream.

That's something.