Thousands of Republican voters across America breathed a sigh of relief Tuesday when the Obama campaign revealed that the Democratic presidential hopeful was a distant cousin of the 50s television icon Howdy Doody.

"For the first time, I feel comfortable voting for Obama," said Gerald Burgermeister, who was considering voting for John McCain. "Anyone related to old Howdy has to be alright. I knew he was related to Vice President Cheney, but that was just kind of creepy."

"Obama is much less threatening to me now," said noted Fox News pundit Bill O'Reilly. "I have fond memories of Howdy, Flubadub, and Clarabelle. I cannot imagine a relative of Howdy ever mugging me in a dark alley or knocking off a convenience store."

The relationship between Obama and Howdy was brought to the attention of the Obama campaign by Calvin B. Flowers, a talented amateur genealogist from Paducah, Kentucky. "I noticed a resemblance between the two of them and started digging. Pretty soon, I came up with incontrovertible evidence from old copies of TV Guide and researching the web. Howdy Doody is Obama's second cousin twice removed on his mother's side."

The Reverend Jesse Jackson was unavailable for comment because everyone is tired of listening to him and he needs a break.



"Even though he is related to Howdy Doody, he still refused to visit wounded American troops while he was gadding about the Middle East and Europe acting presidential," said Frank Donatelli, the deputy chairman of the Republican National Committee. "If he had visited them, he would've been guilty of playing to the sympathies of the public by taking advantage of the wounded for purely political purposes. It is plain to anyone with the sense of a rutabaga that the man is just another politician."

Donatelli quickly quashed the rumor that John McCain is related to Mortimer Snerd. "No, he isn't related to Snerd," he explained. "I don't know how that got started. Besides, most voters don't have a clue who Howdy Doody is, let alone Mortimer Snerd. There would be no advantage to making that information public."

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.

Photo by J. D. Truesilver