WASHINGTON- Several out-of-town visitors to the Smithsonian Institution National Museum of Natural History were severely frightened when they saw what they believed to be a mummy come to life and shuffle toward them.

"I almost had a heart attack," said Lana Gladdis of Paducah, Kentucky. "When I saw that thing just get up and start walking with its arm in front of it like that. I thought it was going for my throat."

"It was really creepy," opined Roger Bisby of West Memphis, Arkansas. "It out-creeped Madame Tussaud's, and that's pretty damned creepy. I wondered what the hell it was doing with all those Secret Service types surrounding it."

Carl Taylor, Security Manager, quickly responded to the incident. "I heard all the screaming and grabbed a couple of guards. It was mayhem. I was afraid there was going to be a riot. Children were running for their parents. I was afraid someone would be trampled."

"It was all just a case of mistaken identity," explained Dr. Cristián Samper, a director at the museum. "Apparently Senator John McCain had visited us with no warning and fallen asleep on one of our benches. When he awoke from his nap, he was a little disoriented and stumbled toward a group of tourists. We apologize for any inconvenience."

"John McCain is a genuine American hero," said Senator Barack Obama. "I honor him for his service and sympathize with those he frightened. Now maybe people will understand why I don't want to hang around with him at town hall meetings or go to Iraq with him. The guy just creeps me out. I can't help it."

Speakers for the McCain campaign had no comment on the incident other than to accuse Senator Obama of age discrimination.

Ms. Gladdis was arrested for threatening a Presidential candidate with her purse. She is being held without bail at an undisclosed federal facility according to Ellsworth Mauger of the FBI.

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.

Photo work by the inimitable J. D. Truesilver