WASHINGTON - Boldly living up to his promise never to set a schedule for the withdrawal of US troops from Iraq, President George Bush announced that he and Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki have agreed instead on a time horizon for the withdrawal of US troops from Iraq.

"Horizons are not schedules or timetables," President Bush explained.."Horizons are something that the sun sets behind. Like the sun, American troops will gently, gradually sink into the horizon, or at least move to Afghanistan, which is over the horizon from Iraq, I think."

General David Petraeus, the top US commander in Iraq, was moved to tears by the agreement. "It's so poetic I can't help but get a little misty when I think of it," he said. "I only wish General Douglas MacArthur could be here to see it. Old soldiers never die, they just gently vanish over the horizon like sand in the hourglass that is the days of our lives."

"I knew the surge would work, that's why I suggested it," mused Senator John McCain. "I really didn't think it would be reminiscent of the gentle surge of the Mediterranean lapping like a contented lover against a warm inviting beach. This is a proud moment for America."

Reverend Jesse Jackson, who lately has taken to crude speech, took umbrage with McCain's remarks. "Somebody tell that peckerwood that I got his surge and he can lap it till his tongue gets tired. That's right. Live with it."

Barack Obama quickly denounced Jackson's comments, calling them offensive. "John McCain is a legitimate American hero and I respect his service. I would no more call him a peckerwood than I would call him an ofay or a chuck," he said. "This campaign is going to be about issues, not epithets. Lay off the paddy. I mean it."

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.