In a not unexpected turn of events, Don Imus, the controversial shock jock, is no longer allowed to utter the word black.

"He needs to say nothing at all about blacks," said Dick Gregory. "I hereby forbid him from doing so."

"If I hear of him referring to blacks, I'll have him fired," agreed Al Sharpton. "If anyone wants to talk about blacks, they need to clear it through me."

"I'm never ever going to say anything about blacks as long as I live," said Hillary Clinton. "It's best to pretend that blacks don't exist. That way there won't be any trouble."

"I am deeply offended that Don Imus asked if I was black," sobbed Adam "Pacman" Jones, who has been arrested numerous times for being black. "The nerve of that guy. I am shattered."

Presidential hopeful Barack Obama commented on the incident. "Bill Clinton was not the first black President. Hopefully, I will be the first black President. We need a President who can dance. Anyone who jokes about it will be dealt with harshly."

"I've been ignoring blacks for years," said President George W. Bush. "I will continue to ignore blacks. It's best."

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.