The success of the Transportation Security Administration's Screening Passengers by Observation Technique program, known as SPOT, has prompted a congressional bi-partisan committee to propose the creation of the Federal Bureau of Crime Prevention to curtail criminal activity before it happens.

The SPOT program caused a stir among civil libertarians and other cranks a few months ago when it was revealed that the TSA had several highly trained agents on duty to ferret out potential terrorists by reading their facial expressions.

"The program has been a tremendous success," said Kip Hawley, TSA Administrator. "We have stopped thousands of people in airports based upon their suspicious facial expressions. After detaining them and subjecting them to intensive interrogation techniques, not a single one of them has committed an act of terrorism. No sane person can argue with results like that."

"My friends," said presidential hopeful John McCain. "Nothing is as important as the safety of our children, our homes, and our country. Now with this new technology, we can prevent crime before it happens. The Federal Bureau of Crime Prevention will be charged with finding potential criminals and incarcerating them before they can do any harm to the public. We will institute training programs for local law enforcement agencies and citizens groups. Some of the fine women in Mothers Against Drunk Drivers have already contacted me about using the techniques to catch drunk drivers before they take a drink. There is real hope for a safer America."

Senator Hillary Clinton agreed that the bureau would significantly reduce crime. "If it saves even one child from being molested, the expense has justified itself," she said. "Let criminals and terrorists beware."

A few uneducated outliers, many of whom appeared to be from West Virginia, questioned the legality of establishing the new government bureau. Gunnersykes.com will not mention their names because giving publicity to such people only encourages them.

Bruce Ackerman, Sterling Professor of Law and Political Science at Yale Law School, took the time from his busy day to reply to such ridiculous nattering: "There is nothing in US law that protects the right to look like a criminal," he said. "If someone wants to go about looking like a criminal, it is the sovereign right of the government to detain him or her, question the suspect, and incarcerate them if they refuse to identify themselves. The safety of the people is paramount."

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.