Reporters, pundits, bloggers, and other people of ill-repute scrambled madly today to find new ways to discredit Reverend Jeremiah Wright.

"The best we've been able to come up with so far is a headline stating that an attack on Reverend Wright is an attack on the black church," sighed an anonymous Associated Press reporter. "I know it's weak, but we're working on it."

"This is insane. We can't have an opinionated black man running around saying whatever is on his mind. This country is built upon saying whatever is expedient in order to get elected. This guy doesn't care if he's elected to anything. It's one of the most disgusting, self-serving displays of First Amendment abuse I've ever seen," said a well-known Fox News pundit who wished not to be identified.

"I know how to do it. I'm going to call him a narcissist and drone on endlessly about how he is hurting the Obama campaign." said Emily Wankette, girl reporter. "That ought to fix his wagon."

"I'm just going to keep on calling him a slime and trying to convince people that he is an unpatriotic, ranting wacko," said Robert Mauger, right wing blogger. "If those YouTube videos worked two weeks ago, they'll work now. It's not like anybody watches CNN or PBS anyway. This will all be over soon. We can keep up the good old guilt by association attack on Obama right up to November. I don't see what everybody has their panties in a wad about."

"I think he scares working class white people," said another unidentified pundit. "There is no reason to believe that simply because working class white people have been working next to working class black people for fifty years that they've actually said anything to each other or gotten to know each other. If we can't count on unreasoning fear from the white blue collar set, what can you count on?"

"The worst thing that can happen is people seeing the Reverend Wright as an intelligent, humorous, independent human being who thinks for himself," said a Clinton campaign worker. "We just can't let that happen."

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.