Maggie Williams, David Plouffe, and Rick Davis, managers, respectively, of the Clinton, Obama, and McCain campaigns joined together today to announce that the American people want and deserve more of the same.

"Senator Clinton's More of the Same program is pretty much the same as the other candidates' MOTS programs, but different," said Ms. Williams. "If people want change, let them go out on street corners and beg for it. What they really want, and what they will get, will be more of the same."

"The demographics speak for themselves," said Rick Davies. "Here at McCain headquarters, we've pored over election results, taken surveys, analyzed polls, and consulted with experts. There is no doubt about it. The only sure way to win the hearts of the American voter is with a well-constructed MOTS program. We believe our MOTS program will promise people anything they want while firmly entrenching the status quo."

"The important difference in Obama's MOTS program is the hope ingredient," explained David Plouffe. "Take, for example, Hillary's health care plan. Hillary wants to end the health care problem by forcing people to buy medical insurance whether they want it or not. Obama's health care plan allows them to buy health insurance, but still allows them to opt out and hope they don't get sick or injured. Even Senator McCain allows people to hope that one day they will be able to afford medical insurance. Any way you slice it, the American voter will still receive more of the same, but in a different package. If you think about it, isn't that all they can reasonably expect?"

"Well said," replied Rick Davis. "The foreign policy section of our MOTS program also allows people to hope we somehow extricate ourselves from the quagmire we've gotten ourselves into in the Middle East. Senator McCain reasonably believes that if we stick around and kill a few more Iraqis, they will see the light. Senator Clinton proposes that we kill a few more Iraqis while we gradually withdraw and threaten Iran with annihilation. Senator Obama proposes that we kill as few Iraqis as humanely possible while withdrawing, and concentrate on killing people in Afghanistan. There is no essential difference in our MOTS programs, so the American voter can rest assured that we will remain in the Middle East quagmire for the foreseeable future."

Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment.