I was having a coffee at Starbuck's today when Ramblin' Bob Mauger saw me and sat down at my table. If you want to know what is really going on, just ask Ramblin' Bob.

"Those things are going to kill you," said Bob, observing my cigarette.

"I expect the second hand smoke will get you first." I said.

"Very funny."

"No, really. That second hand smoke is really dangerous stuff. I'm glad I don't have to breathe it."

I always sit outside and glare at the manager when she sticks her head out the door in response to a complaining smoke nazi. So far, I have managed to intimidate her into doing nothing. I know my days are numbered, but I plan to go down fighting.

"What are you working on?" asked Bob, eyeing my laptop.

"I"m thinking about doing a piece on Ron Paul."

"You're wasting your time. He can't win. He's done. Eighty-sixed. Had the lick," Bob told me.

"I didn't think he was going to grab the nomination. You need some serious juice to buck the Federal Reserve. I do think he's managed to make himself a national figure, and I've seen other cadidates adopt his rhetoric. Things could be worse."

"He's crazier than a hootie owl," replied Bob. "The only people who support him are nazis and truthers and goldbugs, a few stray wackos, and you. Besides, he owes me twenty bucks."

"Twenty bucks?"

"Yeah, I bought into that crap and sent him some money. That guy's sitting on twenty million bucks, and what do we have to show for it? Nothing. He's down in Texas laughing at us. He's spending all of it to get re-elected to his house seat. I can't believe you fell for that con."

"Guess I'm just gullible."

"No kidding. You know when he said that the federal government had no right to interfere with a woman's reproductive rights?"

"I remember." I said.

"I found out that all he really meant was that the government just shouldn't tell the states what to do. If a state wanted to make it illegal for a woman to have an abortion, the state could do it. Not only that, but he sad the Civil War should never have been fought, If it was up to him, we'd still have slavery. I don't even want to get into his foreign policy."

"What about it?" I asked.

"It's just incredible and naive. We can't bring all of our troops home. That's just stupid."

"Why?"

"It just is. They would attack us as soon as we did."

"Who are they?"

"Our enemies. Al Quaeda. The communists. Anybody who wanted to. They would see us as weak and just take over. He doesn't even think about our overseas interests."

"You mean American corporations with overseas interests?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I mean. The man is an idiot. He needs to understand the real world. I should call him and ask for my twenty bucks back."

"Think he'd give it to you?"

"No. It's not even worth making the call.

"Sometimes, life just isn't fair." I said.

"You're right about that, buddy. I gotta go," said Bob.

"See you."

I lit another cigarette.