Toledo, Ohio-- Senator John McCain, in a press conference today, claimed no wrong-doing in his alleged affair with Vicki Iseman, a Washington lobbyist.

"My friends, I know more about economics than I know about the kind of shady dealings and back street shenanigans that the New York Times is accusing me of. I will not be a victim of this kind of underhanded smear campaign." said McCain.

"Yes, I did receive a little more than $20,000 from the company Vicki Iseman represented," McCain continued, "and I did let them fly me around in their corporate jet, but that's what Senators do. Do you think we just sit around in our offices and wait for people like you to waltz in and complain about your petty problems?"

"So what if I wrote a letter to the Federal Communications Commission requesting that they speed up approving the license for the company Ms. Iseman represented? There's nothing wrong with that. If a Senator can't peddle a little influence in return for campaign contributions, the whole system breaks down. It is the American way, and I will not have it undermined." stated McCain.

"Furthermore, let me tell you this: I did not have sex with that woman." McCain then left without answering questions.