After firing her campaign manager, Patti Solis Doyle, and the resignation of Mike Henry, deputy campaign manager, Hillary Clinton has raised eyebrows by adding two new positions to her staff. John Klimkiewicz has been hired as a drama coach and William McGurn has been lured away from the Bush administration to fill the position of Director of Platitudes.

Clinton scored a surprise victory in the New Hampshire primary after shedding tears in a tender moment the day before the election. The addition of a drama coach had some pundits doubting her sincerity.

"She's worse than those 911 widows," opined Anne Coulter, rumored to be the daughter of Satan. "She thinks all she has to do is turn on the waterworks and the suckers will turn out in droves."

"I'd cry, too, if Obama was whuppin' me like that," said Mike Tyson, who was recently hired by Fox News to report exclusively on Britney Spears and lurid unsolved murder cases. "Yes I would."

Reaction to the Director of Platitudes position was generally more favorable.

"This is just the shot in the arm the Clinton campaign needs," said William Seidman, MSNBC commentator. "Hillary has fallen way behind Obama in the platitude department."

Hillary is said to be torn between two new platitudes: the futility of bombastic verbosity, and the evolution of change.

"If those don't work, I'll just think of some more," said William McGurn. "I got a million of 'em."