Falls Church, VA.

Residents in this well-to-do Washington suburb were shocked today by an outbreak of violence against the child of an alleged Ron Paul supporter. Classes were suspended at Thomas Jefferson Elementary School until someone in authority, perhaps the President, says the crisis is over.

"Apparently, the child of a Ron Paul supporter heard something about the constitution in his home. He mentioned it in class and that seems to be what set the whole thing off," said Colonel Harry Reitze, Falls Church Chief of Police.

Tapes from security cameras plainly show a second grade student saying that Ron Paul supports the constitution.

"Get that Paultard!!" a classmate screamed and a mini-riot erupted.

"Yeah, anybody who don't believe in evolution is a moron," a child wearing a Bert and Ernie T shirt was heard to say as she gleefully beat her hapless victim with a copy of the latest Harry Potter novel. "Get him!!"

Others quickly joined in the assault. "My mama says Paultards are racists," said one delicate girls as she gave the "Paultard" a good whack with her chair.

"My mommy says you won't let her choose," said another as he kicked his victim.

Ms. Emily Wankette, a substitute teacher from Washington DC, who had charge of the class because the regular teacher developed the sniffles for the sixth time in the semester, lost her composure and jumped in the fray. "He'll close the public schools and make us all stupid. Yes, get that Paultard," she cried.

Order was restored only when Mr. Sebastian Moorehead, a teacher who taught in the classroom next to Ms. Wankettes's,
entered her classroom, sternly rapped on the desk with a ruler, and said, "Children!! Leave that Paultard alone. Ridicule, derision, and slander are one thing, but physically beating Paultards is not allowed. Get back to your seats. You, too, Ms. Wankette."

The victim was rushed to the hospital and treated for cuts and bruises and given psychological tests to try to ascertain the cause of his Paultardedness. Charges are pending against his parents for child abuse.